Are you a good candidate for the Divine Order of Faithful Servants?

Not everyone is cut out for this kind of lifestyle. It's not always as easy and fun-loving as Caleb makes it look. In order to weed out the "bad" prospects we have designed a simple set of 37 questions to determine what sort of a member you will be. Each question also has a "real-life" application that will be revealed to you only after the test is completed.

For your information this is a real test developed by a real psychologist to determine who is a likely candidate for the giving of oneself to a holy and spiritual leader.

But be aware that we have asked Ivy Vaughn, local wedding videographer and former psychology major in his one semester at Endsville Community College, to comment on the results. He has agreed to tell you what he thinks each question "really" means, and then based on your scores he will rate where you fit in within the group. We should let you know that Ivy can be a bit "saucy." You've been warned.

So, take your time. Fill out the quiz, submit your answers and Enjoy! The lucky few can join us on the Ark of Salvation!

1 - Never
2 - Occasionally (but why would I tell you?)
3 - Sometimes(only when I'm drunk and high on cocaine)
4 - Most of the time(when the medication wears off)
5 - Always
? - I don't understand the question (Why are you asking me this stuff? I'm dizzy and bugs are feasting on my brain.)

1 2 3 4 5 ?

Do you have a strong desire to be rid of an unwanted self?

Are you are attracted by the prospect of sudden and spectacular change in your conditions of life?

Do you fear change?

Does the real world mean the prospect of hunger and cold and scurvy?

Do you deprecate the present by depicting it as a means preliminary to a glorious future; a doormat on the threshold of the millennium, a way-station on the road to Utopia?

Are you wholly ignorant of the difficulties involved in the vast undertaking that is your life?

Do you view life as irremediably spoiled and see no purpose in self-advancement?

Is your innermost craving that of the quest for a new life - a rebirth - or, failing this, a chance to acquire new elements of pride, confidence, hope, a sense of purpose and worth by an identification with the holy cause?

C'mon, be honest. Is your faith in a cause to a considerable extent a substitute for the lost faith in yourself?

Are you are oppressed by your shortcomings, blaming your failure on "The Evil Empire" or the CIA?

Do you have a strong interest in minding of other people's business? Does this expresses itself in gossip, snooping, and meddling, and also in your feverish interest in communal affairs?

Do you have an air of illiteracy and often use words as if you are ignoramus of their true meaning?

Are you are highly suspicious of your peers, always on the lookout for prying and spying?

Do you do a great deal of "watching" and feel a tense awareness of being watched?

Do you have a burning conviction of your holy duty toward others, without which your life would be puny and meaningless?

Do you possess a readiness to die or to kill others? A feeling that the loss of life is but to lose the present; and, clearly, to lose a defiled, worthless present is not to lose much?

Is your discontent at its highest when ideal state seems almost within reach?

Do you fear liberty and the outside world more than you fear persecution?

Have your creative powers, if you ever had any, faded?

Is your chief passion "to belong" or not "be a jackass"?

Do you see pragmatists and realists as afloat in an ocean of nothingness, hanging on to any miserable piece of wreckage as if it were the tree of life?

Do you scheme to design entertaining situations based on tedious and monotonous tasks, then give up and drink beer?

Do you tend to complicate and obscure doctrines that are otherwise simple?

Are simple words made pregnant with message?

Do you have a strong taste for quibbling, hair-splitting and scholastic tortuousness?

Do you have a facility for united action?

Do you act as if you have already read the book of the future to the last word?

Is the present driven back as if it were an unclean thing and lumped with the detested past?

Is the battle line drawn between things that are and have been, and the things that are not yet?

Do you derive enormous joy from decrying the present and all its works?

By deprecating the present do you acquire a vague sense of equality with those more successful than you?

Do you advocate the impracticable and impossible?

Have you been stripped of your individual identity and distinctness?

Do you derive as much satisfaction - if not more - from the means rather than the ends?

Do you avail yourself of action as a means of unification?

Do you feel an intense craving for recognition, for a clearly marked status above the common run of humanity?

Do you believe that obedience is not only the first law of God, but also the first tenet of a revolutionary party and of fervent nationalism? Do you feel that "Not to reason why" is considered the mark of a strong and generous spirit?

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	1	2	3	4	5	?
Do you have a strong desire to be rid of an unwanted self?
Are you are attracted by the prospect of sudden and spectacular change in your conditions of life?
Do you fear change?
Does the real world mean the prospect of hunger and cold and scurvy?
Do you deprecate the present by depicting it as a means preliminary to a glorious future; a doormat on the threshold of the millennium, a way-station on the road to Utopia?
Are you wholly ignorant of the difficulties involved in the vast undertaking that is your life?
Do you view life as irremediably spoiled and see no purpose in self-advancement?
Is your innermost craving that of the quest for a new life - a rebirth - or, failing this, a chance to acquire new elements of pride, confidence, hope, a sense of purpose and worth by an identification with the holy cause?
C'mon, be honest. Is your faith in a cause to a considerable extent a substitute for the lost faith in yourself?
Are you are oppressed by your shortcomings, blaming your failure on "The Evil Empire" or the CIA?
Do you have a strong interest in minding of other people's business? Does this expresses itself in gossip, snooping, and meddling, and also in your feverish interest in communal affairs?
Do you have an air of illiteracy and often use words as if you are ignoramus of their true meaning?
Are you are highly suspicious of your peers, always on the lookout for prying and spying?
Do you do a great deal of "watching" and feel a tense awareness of being watched?
Do you have a burning conviction of your holy duty toward others, without which your life would be puny and meaningless?
Do you possess a readiness to die or to kill others? A feeling that the loss of life is but to lose the present; and, clearly, to lose a defiled, worthless present is not to lose much?
Is your discontent at its highest when ideal state seems almost within reach?
Do you fear liberty and the outside world more than you fear persecution?
Have your creative powers, if you ever had any, faded?
Is your chief passion "to belong" or not "be a jackass"?
Do you see pragmatists and realists as afloat in an ocean of nothingness, hanging on to any miserable piece of wreckage as if it were the tree of life?
Do you scheme to design entertaining situations based on tedious and monotonous tasks, then give up and drink beer?
Do you tend to complicate and obscure doctrines that are otherwise simple?
Are simple words made pregnant with message?
Do you have a strong taste for quibbling, hair-splitting and scholastic tortuousness?
Do you have a facility for united action?
Do you act as if you have already read the book of the future to the last word?
Is the present driven back as if it were an unclean thing and lumped with the detested past?
Is the battle line drawn between things that are and have been, and the things that are not yet?
Do you derive enormous joy from decrying the present and all its works?
By deprecating the present do you acquire a vague sense of equality with those more successful than you?
Do you advocate the impracticable and impossible?
Have you been stripped of your individual identity and distinctness?
Do you derive as much satisfaction - if not more - from the means rather than the ends?
Do you avail yourself of action as a means of unification?
Do you feel an intense craving for recognition, for a clearly marked status above the common run of humanity?
Do you believe that obedience is not only the first law of God, but also the first tenet of a revolutionary party and of fervent nationalism? Do you feel that "Not to reason why" is considered the mark of a strong and generous spirit?