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We are founded by one man, one brave soul who has a personal one on one relationship with the Lord, and that man is the Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar.
Caleb, who in his earlier life was a procurer of previously owned transportation had a day that will go down in history as one of the worst events of the 20th Century. But it is also one of the most important dates in history.
And that day has henceforth been known as The Confluence of Horrors (whup!).
It was after the Confluence of Horrors that Caleb first heard the voice of God, and His/Her words (Caleb won't tell us) were too powerful to ignore. He recruited the brave and stalwart group that is assembled today through the sheer force of his message: The signs are there. The world is ending.
Once the notion of Quellish (Let it Come!) was established the recruits ranged from as far and wide as Schuylerville and Poughkeepsie to hear Caleb's clarion call.
But what is it that we do here as a group. Heaven's Gate had Hale-Bopp and websites, Koresh had Country Music and recruiting, Moon has those big weddings, Manson the sex. Here at the Divine Order of Faithful Servants we don't have things like rules or regulations. This is a place to escape the torment of your oppressors and find solace in the fact that they will all soon be dead! All the people who scorned and insulted you, will perish in the floods of El Agua. That guy in Seventh Grade, the one who made fun of your name, he hasn't heard Caleb's great message and soon he'll be a bloated corpse. (It's a comforting thought isn't it?)
How do we spend our time?
One of the real jewels of our group is our radionic electric storage chamber. What we do is hook ourselves up to the chamber and we meditate, or pray. All of that concentrated prayer power can be stored up and used in times of crisis. It is the most exciting breakthrough in religious technology since the Jesus Fish.
We partake in song and dance periodically. If you anticipate joining our humble group, we suggest familiarizing yourself with the traditional Arky Arky Song.
We are offering you a chance to start over. It is what everyone ultimately wants. Just think, on Quellish (Let it Come!), when the rains come and the wind blows its mighty tune, you'll wish you were with us, safe on the Ark of Salvation. And you can be, because we are currently accepting recruits. Each new member is only required to accept the gospel of The Good Honorable Reverend Caleb Solar and divest themselves of all their worldly possessions, worthless as they will no doubt be when Quellish (Let it Come!) comes. With this divestion you will be guaranteed a prime spot on the Ark of Salvation, allowing you to survive the great floods. Won't that be nice?
There will be a few observers on the Ark who are not indoctrinated into Caleb's great message, such as Ivy Vaughn and his camera crew. But fear not, they will be secondary citizens and will not receive the same Ark privileges, for example they will receive no fruit cup and will only be used for procreation purposes if all else fails.
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